That whole circle-of-life thing isn’t just for cartoon lions and gazelles; we humans are bound to it just as firmly. As we get older, so do our parents and other loved ones. Difficult as it is to consider, they may one day need our help — just as we once needed theirs.

The Rumor: Children should always care for their aging parents

Our relationship with our elders can be complex, and sometimes we still carry the burden of familial resentments long past. Our own lives may be wobbly, too, as we balance kids, work and friends and our own health on top of caregiving tasks. What exactly are our responsibilities toward our aging loved ones, anyway?

“I’m a big believer that the expectation must be that everyone will one day be a caregiver — whether it be for your aging parents, a neighbor or a loved one,” says Alexis Abramson, Ph.D., lifestyle gerontologist and author of The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook: Caring For Your Aging Parents Without Losing Yourself.

We have wildly varying relationships with our parents, and different feelings about taking care of them. Despite our personal histories, though, we have an ethical responsibility to make sure our loved ones are safe, secure and getting the attention they need. Thirty-nine percent of adults in the U.S. are caring for a loved one with significant health issues, so consider yourself part of a large — and growing — tribe of caregivers.

Many people are long-distance caregivers, making doctor appointments and getting test results over the phone, arranging for visiting-nurse services and food deliveries, and managing loved ones’ finances online. It’s important to make sure, however, that caregiving doesn’t come at the expense of our own emotional and physical balance.